Everyone loves getting feedback! No? Don’t worry, here are some ideas from NLP for giving effective feedback (and what not to do) – plus how to learn from criticism, whether it’s malicious or just from someone who isn’t skilled at giving feedback, while still staying in a resourceful emotional state.
Duration: 6m 42s
Listen and/or subscribe to this podcast via Apple Podcasts here – and if you like the podcast, please leave a review!
If you want to subscribe using something other than Apple Podcasts (e.g. if you have an Android phone), here’s the feed: https://nlppod.com/feed/podcast/
Again, if you like the podcast, please review it on Apple Podcasts – because even if you’re not an Apple Podcasts subscriber yourself, that’s where most people still find their podcasts, so that’s where your review will make the most difference.
Note: Only the most recent 10 episodes of the Practical NLP Podcast are available free on Apple Podcasts. You can still listen to this episode as part of the Practical NLP Podcast Collection Volume 9, which you can get here.
The ‘Feedback Sandwich’
This wraps the criticism up in two compliments, making it even easier to swallow.
- Start with what you liked about what the other person did.
- Then tell them what you would like them to change about what they did (if anything).
- Tell them more about what you liked.
If you use this model ‘mechanically’, people could end up expecting a criticism as soon as they hear any praise. To prevent this, just give praise or positive feedback on its own whenever it’s due.
For more about how to use this technique, listen to the podcast!
Strategies for learning from criticism
- The easy way:
When someone criticises you, do you accept it and take it to heart – or, do you keep it at arm’s length to examine it first? When someone praises you, do you accept it and take it to heart – or, do you keep it at arms length to examine it first?
Accept praise and take it in uncritically. “What if they don’t mean it?” you may ask. Do it anyway. Do it more! It will drive them nuts. And stop criticism at arm’s length in your perceptual space and examine it before accepting it. How justified is it? What really happened? How qualified is this person to offer feedback?
- If you’re being heavily criticised, you need to maintain your state. Centre yourself and imagine an ‘energy bubble’ around you that deflects all criticism, stress and negative emotions. Take all criticisms as applying to the behaviour level only, no matter how they are phrased.
Later, when it’s safe, examine the criticisms using one or both of the next two options.
- Decide what ‘Level of Change’ you are going to take the criticism at – regardless of the level that the critic has aimed it at.
- Take a detached view:
Dissociate from the ‘other self’ receiving the criticism (float up above). Keep the other self in a resourceful state.
Run a movie in your head of what the critic is saying, and another movie of your experience of what happened, and compare them. Learn what you need to learn and discard the rest.
Again, for more detail on these techniques, listen to the podcast.